Monday, February 15, 2010

The shadows are resting in the dark...

Context: Death of a friend in the Pune terrosist attack


I walk in the light
My shadow bound to my form
Without free will it treads
I may walk straight but it endures
Slithering over obstacles, no way to complain

No! It says today, for I have much endured
With light I suffer, in dark I rest
If I yet have the power, I shall now mould the ways

Shadows awake, moving sans bodies
Even the untouched seek revenge
Those who feel have reason
The ones who act do not

Vicious venom they unleash over bodies
The helpless bodies but cry
Cold are the shadows, not wanting to understand
The bodies never did harm, the light had played the hand

Innocents suffer, bracing the shadows
The threat of being consumed ever stronger
In dark, shadows disappear, they think,
Yearning for the dark to seek solace

The shadows have broken free
Taking the lone emotion of vengeance along
A solitary aim to hurt
The hurt are innocent, yet they prepare to grieve
And grieve they shall, for the shadows are dark

Gathering strength and comrades, the shadows march
Leaving helpless bodies on the traversed path
The victims lie dead, disfigured and cold
The tears of kin yearning to rekindle the warmth

No consolation enough, no sympathies potent
For the loss cannot be made good
A son is lost, a friend no more
The mother cries, the friends weep in pinching pain
A life without dreams beckons for some
As lost have they everything, except their cursed life

This life they must now endure
Second by second, minute by minute
Waiting for their own shadow

The shadows have won but they won’t rejoice
Victory by death they want and get
So until the next one they rest in the dark
The shadows are resting in the dark
The shadows are resting in the dark...

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Unfortunate

On 22nd March 2009, a 3rd year student of IIT Kharagpur, Rohit Kumar, lost his life due to the incompetent medical procedures followed by the campus hospital. The events that transpired are explained here. It left a lot to be desired from the medical infrastructure in place at the B.C.Roy Hospital (the campus hospital) to handle such emergencies and angered the students of the institute. Students protested with the authorities leading to the resignation of the Director, Deputy Director (as the chairman of B.C.Roy hospital) and the Dean of Student Affairs. The descriptions of the day's events can be found in the posts by Ramkumar, Vaibhhav Sinha and Shrey Goyal. (Do read these posts as they give an idea of the appreciable things the students did.) It was a truly sad day for the institute and a rude eye opener for the authorities.
Alongwith the uselessness of the available medical avenues, another surprising revelation was the behaviour of some students during the whole episode. At a time when the 5000-strong student community was united with alacrity to bring about a change, an extremely laudable action indeed, some of the events left many questions in my mind.
1. The vandalism : Why was it necessary to damage the property? Wouldn't the humongous presence of the students unitedly voicing their demands have been effective enough to warrant the same outcome i.e. the resignation? Students totaled the car, entered the house, stole chocolates from the freezer, broke trophies, tore off certificates, damaged the installations like light posts and water tanks, broke the computer and the most shameful act which I witnessed myself, a guy actually stole slippers and a mobile charger from the guard's room. Is this what should be expected from the students of India's premier institution? As rightly pointed out by The Scholars' Avenue, the question we need to ask is “Have we become what we condemned the most; the stirs and protests that plague Bengal?” At the risk of sounding idealistic, I would say that though the protest was completely justified, the mannerisms of some were not befitting the students from IIT, supposedly the future of this country.
2. Open House which was held at night with the institute authorities : I believe that the unfortunate death was the tipping point for the anger and frustration which the students have harboured against the present administration for a long time now. Idiotic rules like the 11 pm curfew and gate passes have long troubled the students. The reticent attitude of the authorities during this and the previous open house sessions only added to the anger. Still, people should have looked forward to some constructive discussions and results from this meet. Sadly, some students were there just to vent their ire and paid no heed to what they actually achieved. They kept shouting, with some students doing so just for their 5 minutes of fame. The yelling started with "B.C.Roy ka head kahan hai, use lao". When it was made clear that the deputy Director was indeed that authority, the yellers changed their chants to "B.C.Roy ka head doctor kahan hain." The sad part was, these guys had no clue what they would have done if he was present. When I asked them what exactly they intended to do, they had no answer. Some people went on stage and spoke random things forgetting the context and in effect making a mockery of a person's death. What was an excellent opportunity to ask pointed questions to the administration and demand answers soon turned into a farcical attempt by students to humiliate them. Some pertinent issues were definitely raised by the senior students like Alok Kothari, Anuj Dayal, chhota Manish etc. One couldn't help but feel sad for the friends who sat there crying even as the event started turning futile. The indifference of some authorities and the ignoble behaviour of a few students was shameful considering the event which led to the meet.
One can only hope that the committee formed the next day expedites the alleviation of the problems and improves the despicable state of the infrastructure. Sadly, loss of a life is what it took for the students to take such a step and the authorities to stand up and take cognizance.

PS : Some students have commented that it is wrong to concentrate the attention on the few people who did these bad things. I would like to say that I SUPPORTED the protest and can fully understand the anger and disgust with which the students had turned up. Majority of the students had their hearts in the right place and took extremely good steps. I have also given the links to others' posts which describe those in detail. The point I am trying to make here is that there were a few (mind you, only a few) who in effect made a mockery of Rohit's death for the sake of a few moments of personal glory. And Rohit's friends ARE NOT the guys I mean. It was heart wrenching to see you guys sitting there with tears in your eyes. The narrative of the incident as it happened was shocking and the outcry after that was completely justified. Do not look at this post as a criticism of the protest or the anger. If you felt angry at me thinking that I did not do justice to the unfortunate event, be assured that my post is aimed at those guys who really did not.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Useless ramblings of mindless morons... Hindi serials Part-II

Since you are reading this, you have enough time to waste. So do not complain after this moment ever that you do not have time...
Some species of the human race contacted me through the wonders of modern communications aka G-Talk and my Vodafone (Yes, Vodafone...its way cooler than Hutch and if you don't agree, you are a loser) and expressed their heartfelt sorrow and anguish experienced after accidentally going through my previous post on the same topic.
The producers of the Hindi serials assume the audience to be lunatics. The audience's lack of common sense is a presupposition behind every action. As I had subtly pointed out in my earlier post HINDI SERIALS SUCK BIGTIME AND I HATE THEM FROM THE ABYSS OF MY HEART. Anyways... lets continue our analysis of the most loathsome things which plague our television lives(Of course, here I assume that my beloved reader indeed has a life, because I am more than aware most of us DO NOT HAVE ANY LIFE...yours truly is also a member of this Lifeless Existence in a Crappy Shithole club)

"Arey yeh sab kya ho raha hain, meri toh kuch samajh main hi nahin aa raha"
WHAT......THE......HELL is this dialogue supposed to imply?? It pokes its nose in each and every episode of each and every serial on each and every channel which is doomed by its very own existence. And it is mouthed by one and all. Arey!!
  • Son gets arrested, Dad:Meri Toh....
  • Daughter commits adultery, Mom:Meri Toh....
  • Police catch a villain, Villain's mistress:Meri Toh....
I am sure in some serial, suhagrat ka scene.... The "new" husband comes in, looks down and says, Meri Toh.... :P :P

"Maa..Maa..Maa..........Kya..Kya..Kya"
The infamous MaaMaaMaaKyaKyaKya scenes abound in serials. The sublime purpose of this madness is to emphasize certain events like a tight slap etc. The scene starts with three repeats of the same view of the character who is about to hit. Then the same ritual takes place for the character who is about to get hit. Then the focus again shifts to the hitter and the elusive ONE TIGHT SLAP scene is shown three times. Then the camera stunts begin, and you can't help feeling that a cockroach must have entered the cameraman's underwear at that time. Each and every character present in the room during the SLAP gets attention. The camera zooms in and out at ultra high speeds and this is repeated thrice, separately for each hopeless character in that worthless serial. You are sure to get dizzy by all the random focusing.....

"Sab kuch thik ho jayega"
Now THIS IS THE LIMIT. Why in this whole wide world should a person have to hear the same crap from each person present around him. In the event of a catastrophe (like forgetting to take his medicines, doodhwaala failing to show on time etc), the eldest person of the house is sitting somewhere in a sombre mood, utilizing the glycerin bottles to their fullest extent. The 'bahu' comes in with a glass of water saying "Babuji paani pi lijiye, sab kuch thik ho jayega." Ya right :| Pour some alcohol in that glass then atleast some persons will believe that. (Which reminds me: People say alcohol does not solve any problems. Come to think of it, neither does milk)

"Mujhe kuch der akela chhod do" A crying female can eat up an entire 15 minute episode (rest are adverts) mouthing this single dialogue. "Maine kaha na, mujhe...", "Tumhe samajh nahi aa raha? Mujhe..." , "Bhagwaan ke liye, mujhe..." (This bhagwaan guy must be one hell of a bloke. All ladies wanting to be alone with him and all!!), "Main tumhare haath jodti hoon, mujhe..." Consider such thing in real life in, say, a one room home in the suburbs of mumbai. The family consists of Priya (our uuuwaaaan girl) , her parents, a younger brother, an unmarried mama and a paper-reading grumpy grandpa
. One day the neighbours see all of them standing in the corridor outside the one-room home and ask "Arey kya hua". The dad promptly answers "Arey kuch nahi woh Priya ko thodi der akela chhodna tha na!"

I sincerely hope the makers of these horrendous soaps rot in tha jungles of Amazon. "Mujhe Amazon main kisne akela chhod diya (Uwaaaaan) Meri toh kuch samajh nahi aa raha (Uwaaaaan) Par sab kuch thik ho jayega (Uwaaaaan)

Friday, December 7, 2007

Ek SANSANIKHEJ khulasa.... my foot!!! (Alpha Version)

Aur aaj ke sabse sansanikhej khulase main, KAB TAK aap tak pahuncha raha hain, ek aisi khabar, jo pehle kabhi na dekhi, na suni gayi ho. BREAKING NEWS yeh hain, ki Abhishek Bacchan ne, shaadi ke baad, 90 number ki jagah, 95 number ki underwear pehenna shuru kar diya hain...

Once upon a time (alas! gone are the good old days), NEWS was that part of watching television, which increased your knowledge and awareness regarding the events going on around the world. Remember the Doordarshan days? Fixed News timings, formal presentation of pertinent information, well defined categories... it made the news-time stand out. But news channels like BBC and CNN redefined the ways in which people saw the news and then dawned a new era in Indian Television... what started with 24 hour news channels with some advertisements in between, has now transformed into 24 hour gossip-cum-ad channels with the broadcast of any meaningful stuff strictly limited to a maximum of 30 minutes in a day, subject to penalty. What crap man!! Utter and total shit... what they show isn't news. Its pure tamaasha.

"Is Aishwarya pregnant??"
What the .... Why the hell should Aishwarya Rai's possible pregnancy eat up valuable time on the national news??? People have more things to care about than someone else's wife's unproven pregnancy you morons!!! For half an hour, they kept on showing Ash's walks down the ramp, one recent and one an year old. The presenter says, "Aap ekdum asaani se dekh sakte hain, Ash ki aaj ki kaaya, aur ek saal pehle ki kaaya main zameen aasmaan ka farak hain ( When did a difference of a few inches become zameen-aasmaan you assholes?? ) Kya yeh Ash ke liye koi good news hain? Hamare saath maujud hain hamaare sanvaddata Ravi. Ravi, aapka kya khayal hain? Koi good news hain?" Now wait a sec.... did the bacchan-parivar-ke-chirag perform coitus in the company of this bloke Ravi? Or do the tv channels expect them to procreate after consulting Ravi? Does "Ravi ka khayal" have even an iota of importance as regards to any possible mitosis going on inside Aishwarya Rai's womb? Grow up people!!

"Neha, aapko kya lagta hain, Bharat ne toss jeetne ke baad ballebaaji karne ka jo faisla liya hai woh kitna sahi hain?"
Does your dear Neha have a better cricket brain than the captain of our team? Who is she to comment on the rightness of that decision? Its fine if you ask some ex-cricketer who has some experience guys, but every Tom Dick n Harry can't blurt out on national television what the synaptic connections in his peanut-sized brain lead him to believe.

"Aaj Ranbir Kapoor ko apne ghar main kaam karne waali bai ke saath baat karte dekha gaya jisse yeh kaha ja raha hain ki unka Deepika se rishta tut chuka hai aur unka apni kaam waali bai ke saath affair chal raha hain"
Gimme a break! No sooner does any single actor talk for more than 5 seconds at a stretch with any actress, than they are deemed to be a couple by the media. And if a couple does not spend even a day groping and fiddling in the public, news readers go gaga.. Kya John-Bipasha ka break up ho gaya hai?

It's ridiculous to realize that the news channels are now more concerned about creating mountains from molehills rather than using the immense power of the media in a truly constructive manner. I admit that people are much more aware of the happenings around them thanks to these channels, but the news shown on these channels is opinion based instead of fact based. And what's worse is that people are losing the capability to differentiate between opinions and facts. They assign more credibility to what some Ajay or Rahul or Sunita says rather than weighing the facts rationally and developing their own opinion. There was a time when Tehelka sting operations brought out the truth about match fixing and political bribery. Now they have come down to hiring women to seduce old and new actors alike and catching the sexual power play on tape. Remember Aman Verma and Shakti Kapoor cases? Why can't they have more of the informed debates about important issues rather than spend huge amounts of money chasing some obnoxious stories. Whenever a good debate is going on on TV, you are left wanting for more. The saddest part is, these people have all the resources, they know what knowledgeable people want, but in order to earn more money and increase their TRPs they show some despicable stories and gossip which interests the less-than-intelligent beings. I hope we soon witness a time when the media stops dramatizing every flap of a bird's wing and focuses solely upon core issues like The sheer ridiculousness of reservation . More on this last line later.....

Friday, September 21, 2007

Misconceptions about IITians....

I have been wanting to get this out into the cosmos for quite some time now. Whenever I am in a long conversation with a non-IITian, somehow somewhere sometime, one of the following sentences is bound to stick its neck out...
  1. > Arey ab tu toh IITian hain, age aur kuch kehne ki kya jaroorat hain.
  2. > Yaar you are an IITian, it explains everything.
  3. > Ab tum jaise logon ko ham jaise logon ki baatein kahan acchi lagengi.
  4. > Yeh ki na IITian jaisi baat.
  5. > Haan yaar, ab tum IITians ko kahan padhai ke alawa kuch karne ka time milta hoga.
  6. > Abey kisi bhi bandi ko jaakar bol de ki tu IITian hain..BAS, HO GAYA FIX (Out of all the stupid assumptions I have listed above, I must say that this one is the worst and most erroneous. Some IITians have even reported uncontrolled pain and delirium on the mention of such scenarios)
It is for the benefit of all my friends who have any such (hopelessly skewed) visions of an IITian's ideal existence, that I would like to spell out the truth.

Belief

We are geniuses bestowed with intellects dipped in the fountain of youth ... ever sharp ... having unmatched minds and thoughts !!

Clarification

NOT AT ALL... We are just some specimens of the human race who had one good day in our lives which resulted in our landing up in this place. There are plenty of macro-organisms wandering out there who are better than the people seen inside these jails (oops, I mean campuses) but had a bad exam day or didn't give the exam at all (aah, lucky they). If you see all the STUDents in IITs as a whole bunch, stuffed up in some cramped up smelly space, (an IIT classroom, for example) you will change your minds....

Belief
  • > We always study
  • > We study a lot
  • > We study
All these beliefs can be handled together. Maybe the amount of study which is required to get into these places (Dream destinations before JEE, hell-holes after admission) gives the impression to everyone that the trend is carried forward during the engineering years too. Boy oh boy are they wrong!! And for all my feminine fans out there, girl oh girl are they wrong !!

Clarification

We do NOT study like others believe. Studies hardly ever make it to the Top-10 list of IITian Today (based on a nationwide survey. Courtesy: Reuters ) The only time we study is when the exam is 5 days away and the realization dawns upon our unsuspecting minds that irrespective of whether we have or haven't attended classes, we know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about any subject whatsoever. To rub salt into the wounds, the remnants of knowledge of any topic are inversely proportional to its importance in exam. Even during exams, if you ask us anything regarding a subject more than 2 days before the date of the paper, we won't have a clue. Our knowledge starts developing one day prior to the exam, peaks during the paper, and then decays exponentially...


Belief

  • > We have Godlike professors
Firstly, HEHE HEHE HEHE HEHE HEHE...HAHA HAHA HAHA HAHA

Clarification

Well, if you wander about in the departMENTAL jungles in IIT, you will come across a variety of biological species who have somehow mutated into profs. Some have been here from the days when they used to have dark black hair (and in some cases I must say 'from the days they used to HAVE hair' Alas...gone are the good old days!!). During lectures, they somehow feel that they are witnessing the students having the best time of their lives in that one hour. They also keep telling us stories like "When I was a student..blah blah blah", "When I first started teaching...blah, blah, blah" and so on. Some even crack AWFUL PJs to try and seem to be cool and modern. To all my respected profs: Please... Don't even bother!! Act your own age...

Belief

  • > We are damn interested in research and are using the "cutting edge" research facilities to their fullest extent
Clarification

Our preferred research labs are IMDB, tv.com, wikipedia, google earth and so on. A recent hot research topic was the REpeated SEARCHing on google to know when the new season of How I Met Your Mother is gonna be aired. Another major research domain is DC++. We keep analysing what new stuff has been added there everyday!! Researchers keep adding new match highlights, latest movies, songs, albums, softwares...you name it & WE'VE GOT IT...

Belief

  • > Relative grading is a norm

Clarification

We are mostly deGRADED according to the whims of our teachers. Some profs give us the benefit of doubt and grade relatively, BUT NOT ALWAYS (Alas if it had been so, I wouldn't have had to face the two 6-pointer grades in my illustrious academic career :P) Doubts are also raised by some students as to what exactly gets compared while grading :P . Is it
  • > Marks
  • > Attendance (Now come on, you can't be serious here... all will fail)
  • > Relationships with professors (Oye, the student-teacher relationship )
  • > Sex (An inquiry has been set up into this aspect. The fairer sex has been noted to be much better when it comes to the grades given by the profs. Some probable causes that are being investigated include :-
    • > They make better notes when in class
    • > They write the paper in a better way
    • > The profs are biased (hmmmm....)
    • > They study a lot (chuckles chuckles)
The first cause is improbable because any good notes are public property as seen by their omnipresence in xerox shops all over the campus. The second cause cannot be universal (Trust me, if you see the handwriting of the FUTURE OF THE COUNTRY, you are bound to get nauseous.) And as far as the 3rd n 4th causes go, well, they are outta control for guys so why even bother !!!


I would like to end with one misconception which makes me pull my hair. Some ignoble people lacking proper exposure of engineering (or common sense for that matter) are the culprits here. They think that since I am doing a course in Mechanical Engineering, I am a MECHANIC !!! God Save Me... By the same analogy, they can then go on to say that chemical engineers are CHEMISTS, biotechnologists are COMPOUNDERS in the biology labs all around the country, mining engineers are MINERS, aerospace engineers are PILOTS and electrical engineers are ELECTRICIANS....

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Are those days gone?

It is raining here as I write this. I was just standing in the corridor in front of my room, willingly getting soaked in the sprinkle of water and the thought hit me...Are those days gone?

The childhood, the freedom, the innocence....I realized that this was one part of myself which I missed the most. Today, someone told me a story, a story of a sparrow who wanted rain and how an elephant gave her the rain she craved for, using its trunk. That made me remember my childhood, those nights in the arms of my Dad as he told me all those stories, each story making me a little happier, a little wiser, a little stronger. The world of the stories was in a different dimension, where the good always won,where the villains were out in the open, known by all to be exactly what they are and fought unitedly, where there was always the hope and the expectation of a happy ending. When you are small, you are pure. Since you don't do anything bad to anyone, you don't expect anything bad to happen to you either. You are always protected by the unwavering presence and support of your parents by your side, no matter what you do or what you say. Dad and Mom have the solution to everything that concerns you. You are safe...and most importantly, you know that you are safe.

I so badly wish I could go back to those days, the school days...when the only concern each day was to complete the homework for the next day. I can still see my Mom asking me, "Chaitanya, homework jhala ka?" ("Chaitanya, is the homework done?"). The moment I could say yes, I was free to do anything, not having a single worry, always knowing somewhere in my mind, that my parents will protect me from anything bad that could happen. I have never said it, but thanks Mom, thanks Dad...for always being there for me, for helping me, guiding me at each step, concentrating all your efforts in your quest of making me a good person. I hope you know, that seeing you satisfied by my achievements, that look of happiness and pride in your eyes on my success...that has been my greatest reward and will always be. Nothing can substitute the inner joy which I get when I know that I have lived up to your expectations, just as nothing can cause more pain than the knowledge that I have not...

I hope I never hurt you Mom n Dad.....even though I know, that I can't do anything in this world that will decrease your love for me. I know you have always been there for me, and will always be. I will be there for you too...my love for you will keep on increasing with each passing moment.

Now that I am about to leave the cocoon and step into the unprotected reality, I am safe in the knowledge that my learning and values will always guide me on to the right path. Though I can never relive those past moments, the memories will always be there for me to cherish. So I know, that the days are not gone, they can never go...

It is still raining here....

Monday, August 6, 2007

....and even the dog had a girlfriend!!!

Note :- The central character of this whole saga is Tuffy, the pet dog (Name not changed for the sake of anonymity). So lets start from the starting...A weekend at my relatives' place in Calcutta--eating, sleeping and watching TV--2 days well spent I must say. The aura of home was all the more special as it had been only 15 days since I left Nagpur. (Though I have never been home sick or anything ever, the longing for something even remotely palatable after eating shit of various kinds in mess for prolonged periods substitutes that feeling pretty well). Saturday was spent mostly in "How were the summer holidays kid?" stuff and obviously a lot of eating...
The dinner ritual was over and just as I collapsed on the couch for the next dose of television, the entire locality plunged into darkness. Damn the communists. (I don't know whether they had any role to play in this, but in any case, DAMN THEM.) The next best thing to do was to go out for a walk in the society. So we all went out of the house, and obviously, Tuffy was with us. No sooner had we traveled about 50 feet, than a 2nd Standard little boy came shouting from behind, "Tuffy Tuffy..... Aunty please can I hold him, please??" (Well, have you ever seen some child , on seeing whom you want to just lift him and shake him up badly for no reason at all? He was of that genre..) My aunt happily agreed and handed him the leash. Then she got a little busy with her lady-group and as I am not really a big fan of the free-time group discussions of the opposite sex, I chose to go on, lost in my own thoughts [Too bad I can't disclose those thoughts openly ;) ] The little boy was ahead of me being dragged along by Tuffy ( I can't say I wasn't amused :) ) Then the boy said ,"Chalo Tuffy, hum Pushkal se milke aate hain" and dragged him into a narrow lane of homes. I continued to walk along but then the boy called me saying, "Aap bhi chaliye na." Upon my refusal, the angel (%@$$#^&!@&^@) kept on trying to persuade me and finally succeeded. I figured he wanted his friend Pushkal to play with Tuffy too. As I changed my course of travel, he again chirped, "Aaiye na uncle, main aapko Tuffy ki girlfriend se milata hoon."

UNCLE???? Uncle??? WTF!!! And had I heard him say 'Tuffy ki girlfriend'? The dog? The Pomeranian canine species walking 3 feet away from me being guided by the little devil who had just called me uncle? I instantly rued my decision to accompany that 7 year old...I then led myself to believe that it was just a harmless imagination of the little guy. But as soon as I finished telling this to myself, he directly went into the porch of a house and rang the bell. Ohh come on, he couldn't have been serious!! The maid opened the door. He asked, "Pushkal kahan hain? Tuffy usse milne aaya hain." And before my facial muscles could even process the neural signals telling them to display a look of surprise, two bitches(no innuendos implied) started barking from the first floor balcony. One of them, surprise surprise, was a Pomeranian bitch who then came down and to the door. (Luckily for me and the little devil beside me, the grill door was closed.) As I stared in utter disbelief at that scene, the little chap croaked again. "Uncle hum thoda sa duur chalte hain. Un dono ko disturb mat kijiye."

As I stood there, in the words of The Guy Who Typed This, acknowledging the superiority of that four-legged creature, I couldn't help but wonder....Was it fate's unique way of showing me the finger?? Or was it God's way of letting me know that hope still exists? Your guess is as good as mine....

Thursday, August 2, 2007

The Bengali version of English...

You listen to American English, you hear British English, you know the difference...Even the Australians try hard to make their noise sound like English too...But have you been (un)fortunate enough to listen to the Bengali English in your present incarnation as a mortal in this universe?

DISHCLAIMOR : The observations are based solely upon some select persons, mostly professors and are in no way representative of other people.

When I entered my 1st Year in IIT Kharagpur, I had to adjust to the new place, new people, new routine, new food ( What I gulped down my throat hardly qualified as food, but anyways, I figured if it was supposed to enter my mouth, 'food' was the only noun with a meaning close enough.) and new atmosphere. (Don't get me started on this one. The time required by the climate here to change is less than the time needed for a cesium-133 atom to perform 9,192,631,770 complete oscillations. And the humidity sucks BIGTIME) But I guess that wasn't enough. I had mistakenly taken my hearing abilities for granted. And boy oohh boy was it a steep learning curve. People had some misconceptions that the professors here would be such magicians, that whatever they taught us, we would learn instantly. THOSE PEOPLE WERE WRONG. With more than 100 people in one room, it was chaos. To add to the suffering, we were about to learn a new variant of English...
It's a characteristic of Bengali language that the "V" is pronounced as "BH" , "S" as "SH" and the ultra accentuated pronunciation of "ooo" and "H" even when these alphabets do not occur for miles on either side of the word being pronounced is world famous. What I didn't understand was even if these rules were applicable to Bangla language, why the hell did the profs apply it to normal English as if it were an axiom not to be questioned, elevated beyond doubt. As a testimony to my argument, I present to you, a small collection of pronunciations made possible by the efforts of one of my 1st sem profs and the open ears of i) yours truly and ii) my friend Siddhartha.
Read as "Pronunciation-----Actual Word"

exampull---example
potty colour---particular
my nose -----minus
plose----plus
pooof---proof
phor---for
eej---is
imphormason---information
derephor--therefore
svoo---so
phongson---function
avove---above
annon---unknown
variabull---variable
Axtreem---extreme
Jeroo---Zero
Baluu---Value
Indupondent---independent
y e ---y
Sout--shout
iip---if
Dheribatib---derivative
Farfect---perfect

This doesn't stop here. The names of students are butchered beyond sane imagination.

Read as "Actual name------ Pronunciation"

Chaitanya---- Chooitonyo
Siddhartha----Sheedhaartho
Avi Jain--- Oobhi Joen
Tapas----Tapaush
Amlan----Oomlaan
Vinod----Bheenod

I guess the prolonged exposure to such linguistic misadventures is one of the reasons why kgpians have excellent hearing abilities...

PS: As brought to my notice by Vaibhhav, I missed out on a very important person in this whole discussion. Our ex-director S.K.Dube, what a jerk I must say. His English speaking skills ashamed each and every IIT student unfortunate enough to have heard him trying to speak. Two representative excerpts..
Opportunity ----> Apaaartooniti
Intellectual Property Law ----> Intilictooal Paapati Laa
Heck, honourable(My foot) Dube deserves a full blogpost...

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

****Before*************During***************After****

-----> ----->

Dedicated to:

1) All my fellow human beings who were unlucky (read stupid) enough to have been put through the torture

2) All those who will commit the same mistake in the future

3) And last but not the least, all the micro-organisms who used to reside in my eyes and ears but died after witnessing the catastrophe called JHOOM BARABAR JHOOM

Are you a guy and want to break up with your girlfriend? Take her to watch this movie against her wish and don’t let her leave the theatre before the end….your job will be done.

Are you a girl and want to have something from your boyfriend? Take him to this movie and then ask him to give you whatever you want in lieu of letting him leave the theatre. He’ll agree.

Hey, do you know anyone who is in the natural hair-wig making business? Advise him to tie up with any theatre which is showing JBJ. He will find so many uprooted hairs inside the hall that he’ll make a huge profit, trust me. The head-pic of the man sitting beside me in the theatre which I have shown above is proof.

Yashraj Films, boy oh boy are those guys gonna rot in hell!! After molesting the audience by a very potent weapon better known as “Neal n Nikki”, one would expect them to have learnt a lesson, but no! K3G, Neal n Nikki and now this, the sins keep on piling up (I am more than aware that I have not named all their crimes, but these three make it to the top).

JBJ, the title song of the film has been made very popular by good publicity. I must admit I like (or as I must say now, I used to like) the number myself and so, when the opening shot of the film started with the title song, I was a little disappointed that the song got over. I don’t know whether God mistook this harmless little disappointment of mine a little too seriously or what. The movie started with this song, but wait, it also ended with this song, and wait wait, it played before the interval and after the interval and for heaven’s sake even during the interval. I stopped counting after the JBJ soundtrack was played for the 47th time. I didn’t know that Shankar Mahadevan was such a lazy guy. That bloke has only given two songs to the film and the one apart from JBJ is a shitty, crappy, filthy, hopeless, 3rd class song ‘Ticket to Hollywood’. Before and during the song, Lara Dutta keeps on putting a lottery ticket inside her bra and taking it out; I don’t know whether the choreographer put this step to sway the audience’s attention away from the utterly despicable song or what, but if he indeed had this virtuous motive in mind, he failed miserably. Hey wait, there were some more pathetic songs! “Kiss of Love”, “Bol na halke” . I guess my mind did not recall those songs because it had gone numb when the songs started to play.

In the movie, both Preity Zinta and Abhishek Bacchan fake about their fiancĂ©. During that part of the movie, we see all sorts of ugly crap being thrown at us. Bobby Deol has done his best to enhance the torture inflicted by the movie. Lara Dutta is a prostitute (what natural acting I must say) whom Abhishek presents as his fiancĂ© who is the manager of THE RITZ hotel in Paris. With dialogues like “My mum always says…” and “Tumhara sex ho gaya?----->> No, we made love” and even crappier shit, the movie is a patience builder to the core. I am happy in my knowledge that my patience has just got a solid boost. I laughed so hard during the movie due to the sheer stupidity of all the happenings that my stomach started to ache. I can safely say that the only people who enjoyed those 2.5 hrs were either couples who were lucky enough to get a corner seat or the couples who didn’t even bother for the corner seats. If anybody else enjoyed the film for the conventional reasons, I pity him/her from the bottom of my heart and advise him to visit the psychiatrist immediately.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Yeh hain Mumbai meri jaan!!!

Lo and behold! The land of opportunities, the financial capital of India, home to Sachin Tendulkar, Sunil Gavaskar, Lata Mangeshkar ( and yes, me, though for a short period of time only )..MUMBAI
There are contrasting views on Mumbai by the way. Some peace loving people say that only those people who have committed lots of sins in their previous incarnations in this world land up in this hell hole. Other tolerant species of homo sapiens opine that there ain't a better place to live than "Aamchi Mumbai". I am by no way an extremist in this regard, my opinion of this place is somewhere in between these extremities ( Can anyone have an opinion outside the extremities anyway??? ) .

Venue: Dadar Railway Station
Date: 30th May
Time: 18:55


I happen to glance at a 22-23 year old lady who has just got off a local and is headed home. ( I dunno to whose home though!! ) A man of about the same age crosses her. The lady instantly turns around, grabs the man's shirt and......

SMACK &%^((&%^(**

CRASH #@#%()^#$^)
BOOM *&*&#@**_*&

Right in the face she delivers, with full power!! Her sensory faculties have led her into believing that the man tried to touch her and she is in no mood to let him off ! She blasts him with her words to complement her actions. The moment he tries to defend himself, SMACK... another one, at the same place, with the same effect. The man appears startled no end..Crowd builds up, but surprisingly ( and in a way disappointingly ), they are in a mood for peace. A man comes between the warring parties, tells the man to leave immediately lest he wants to get his ass kicked real hard and advises the woman to calm down. Both agree..
Now, I had inadvertantly observed when the man passed the woman, and I didn't see anything being done by the man ( I might not have noticed it, I concede that ). But the lady hit him anyway and he couldn't do anything though he might have been innocent.

Moral of the story: In public, the woman is always right. Even if you are innocent, all will side with the fairer sex. Beware !

Venue: BEST Bus headed towards Mulund Bus Station
Date: 4th June
Time: 19:30



If you have ever been to Mumbai and have been unfortunate enough to have travelled in a local or a bus during peak hour, you can imagine the situation inside the bus at 7:30 pm. For the lucky ones who have not had this life threatening experience as yet, let me explain.

During peak time if you are trapped in a public mode of transport, chances are that you have to keep standing as there wouldn't be any place to sit. You would be crammed beyond belief and sane imagination. The only part of your body which can do something even remotely resembling movement is your hand using which you suspend yourself to the travelling vehicle. You smell the hair of the man standing in front of you ( eew gross!! Well, since I am a tall guy, I said hair; the shorter guys have to smell other objectionable areas, they have no choice of course)
Its near "Bhandup" bus stop. The entry door to the bus is utterly crammed and its impossible for commuters to board the bus. At Bhandup, the rush subsides a little. At that moment, the bus conductor notices that a man who had boarded the bus 3 stops earlier has luggage which he has kept on the stairs at the entry. The man himself stands on the stairs. No wonder that the entry into the bus is next to impossible. The bus conductor orders: " Neeche utar. Abhi" The man is surprised. "Kyun?"
BC: "Main bola na neeche utar, jaldi"
Man: "Arey hua kya hain, log toh chadh gaye hain sab"
BC: "Tere karan aaj Kanjur stop se aage sab logon ko kitni taklif hui hai kuch andaza hain? Chal nikal jaldi"
Man: "Arey mera ticket akhiri station tak hain, main kyun utar jaoon?"
BC: "Dekh bol raha hoon woh kar, varna mere paas is bag main aisi cheez hain jo agar maine nikal li toh pachtayega"
Man: "Arey luggage ka ticket kaat lo, kyun bekaar ki baat karte ho?"
BC: "Tu jab tak bus se nahin utrega yeh bus aage nahin chalegi, jo karna hain kar le. Bus number note kar aur ja, jaa kar himmat hain toh kar de complaint, ki mere paas Mulund ka ticket tha par mujhe conductor ne jaane nahin diya. Chal ja"
Public: "Arey jaa na yaar, kyun bus late kara raha hain. Doosron ko kyun pareshan kar raha hain"
The man got down
BC: "Saala mad**ch** doosron ke raaste mein khada tha, aur upar se zaban ladata hain. Sab log conductor ko gaali denge, par aise waqt kisi ki gaa** mein dum nahin hota ki passengers ko kuch bole..."

I felt great respect for the conductor. He saw the public's welfare and took a firm stance for its sake. He knew he was right in doing so and didn't fear any complaint. Maybe there are many people like this, maybe more so in Mumbai, but I don't think there are enough.

Moral of the story: Somtimes, you can win even if you are right....